There is a different kind of exhaustion that comes from losing people you love over and over again.
It can feel like before you have even had the chance to catch your breath from one loss, another phone call comes. Another funeral. Another obituary. Another chair at the table that will never be filled the same way again.
And sometimes you find yourself asking God, “How much more can my heart take?”
Grief is not something you simply “get over.” Especially when death keeps touching the people you love, grief can begin to feel like something you carry everywhere. A song can bring it back. A birthday can bring it back. A familiar smell, a picture, a phone call from an unknown number—anything can reopen a wound you thought was finally beginning to heal.
You may laugh one day and cry the next. You may feel okay in the morning and completely broken by nighttime. You may even feel guilty for enjoying yourself because someone you love is no longer here.
But please remember this: healing does not mean forgetting them.
You are allowed to keep living.
You are allowed to smile again.
You are allowed to celebrate birthdays, make plans, take vacations, fall in love, pursue your dreams, and experience beautiful moments without betraying the people you’ve lost.
Their absence does not require you to stop living.
And if you are tired of being strong for everyone else, you don’t have to be strong every day. Sometimes strength looks like admitting, “I miss them today.” Sometimes it looks like crying in the shower. Sometimes it looks like sitting quietly and remembering the sound of their laugh.
Give yourself permission to grieve the person, the memories, the future you imagined with them, and even the version of yourself that existed when they were here.
And if death keeps visiting your family, ask God to help you stop living in fear of the next phone call.
God, give me peace in the places grief has made me afraid. Help me cherish the people who are still here without constantly expecting to lose them. Help me honor the people I’ve lost by continuing to live, love, laugh, and become everything You created me to be. When my heart gets tired, hold me. When memories hurt, comfort me. And when I don’t understand why I’ve had to say goodbye so many times, remind me that I don’t have to understand everything to trust You. Amen.
To the woman grieving someone she loves: you don’t have to rush your healing.
Take it one day at a time.
Some days will be heavy.
Some days will be beautiful.
And some days will somehow be both.
Keep going. Not because you don’t miss them, but because their love can remain a part of your story while you continue writing the rest of yours.
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