🌍 Why Some Women Don’t Believe in Abortion but Still Have Kids in Complicated Situations
Religious & Cultural Beliefs Many women are raised with the belief that abortion is morally wrong, sinful, or against God. Because of that, once pregnant, ending the pregnancy doesn’t feel like an option—even if the circumstances are difficult. “A Child is Innocent” Mindset Some women separate the act of conceiving from the child itself. They may feel the decision that led to pregnancy wasn’t ideal, but the child is seen as a blessing, not a mistake. Trauma & Self-Worth Trauma—like growing up in unstable homes, abandonment, or unhealthy relationships—can distort boundaries. A woman might subconsciously accept situations that aren’t healthy (like being with a married man) because her self-worth has been shaped by pain or neglect. Loneliness & Desire for Love Some women equate motherhood with unconditional love. Having a baby, even in a complicated situation, may feel like filling an emotional void. Societal Mixed Messages Society shames abortion but also shames single mothers. Women are often caught between “don’t abort” and “don’t have kids outside of marriage”—a no-win situation.
⚖️ Why Some Morals Are Followed and Others Ignored
Convenience vs. Conviction: People may stick to the morals that align with their deepest beliefs (e.g., abortion is wrong) while bending others that clash with emotional desires (e.g., avoiding affairs or casual sex). Selective Morality: Humans often choose which rules feel most important. Morals tied to religion or shame are often followed more strictly than those tied to personal discipline. Cognitive Dissonance: When actions don’t match beliefs, people justify them to avoid guilt (“Yes, he’s married, but he loves me” or “This child is meant to be”).
💭 Big Picture
It’s not always about women being “hypocritical”—it’s about the messy mix of:
beliefs (religion, culture, personal morals) emotions (trauma, loneliness, desire for love) society’s pressures (stigma on abortion vs. stigma on single mothers)
All of that makes people follow some morals while bending others when life gets complicated.
let’s dive into the psychological angle and how trauma plays into this.
🧠 How Trauma Can Shape Decisions About Pregnancy & Relationships
Attachment Wounds If a woman grew up without secure love (neglect, abandonment, abuse), she may crave unconditional love. A child can be seen as a guaranteed bond—someone who “won’t leave me.” This can override her better judgment about who she’s having a child with. Self-Worth Distortion Trauma can make someone believe they don’t deserve healthy love. That’s why being with a married man, or accepting unstable partners, can feel “normal.” In this mindset, avoiding abortion becomes less about morals and more about clinging to something meaningful. Control & Power Trauma often leaves people feeling powerless. Having a child can feel like taking back control—creating life, making a choice that no one else can take away. Even if the situation is complicated, the pregnancy feels like an act of agency. Fear of Regret & Guilt Trauma survivors often carry a heavy load of guilt and shame already. Abortion may feel like adding another layer of guilt they believe they “couldn’t survive.” So they keep the baby—even if the circumstances are chaotic—because it feels like the more “forgivable” option. Repetition of Patterns Psychologically, people often repeat the dynamics they grew up in until they consciously break the cycle. If her childhood was unstable, she may (without realizing) recreate instability—having children with men who aren’t fully present—because it feels familiar.
⚖️ Why Some Morals Survive, Others Don’t
The “no abortion” moral is rooted in deep beliefs (religion, family values, fear of guilt). The “don’t have kids in messy situations” moral is easier to bend, because trauma, loneliness, and desire for love feel stronger in the moment than long-term logic.
💡 In Short
Trauma often pushes women to:
Overvalue motherhood as a path to love or healing Undervalue themselves when choosing partners Hold onto strict moral rules about abortion because breaking them feels unbearable But bend other moral rules when emotions, loneliness, or pain outweigh logic.
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